


I Don't Know What To Say

by aprylynn



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-14
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 19:49:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2440784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aprylynn/pseuds/aprylynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deeks says he's fine, but he's not fine. How will he cope when Kensi has some difficult news for him? Takes place some time after episode 5x06 (Big Brother).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to Rebecca (YourSmileLaughEverything) for your help!
> 
> This story was first published in October 2013.

Deeks had a quiet moment to himself, so he sat down at his desk and took a deep breath, allowing his body to relax slightly. He closed his eyes and tried to calm the storm that went on inside his mind.

Why was this so difficult? It had been weeks since the capture and nothing felt easier, nothing felt right. Just sitting at his desk in the empty bullpen at the end of the day was difficult. He was afraid that if he relaxed too much, he would lose whatever grip he had on his sanity and he couldn't let that happen. He had to hold it together. He had to push through. He used every ounce of his strength in order to act like everything was fine or else he could lose the one thing in his life that still made sense: his job. He worked hard, he risked his life, all for the greater good. Every day, he could see the difference he was making. If he was not able to do his job... then what could he do? Who would he be? Would anything he did matter? Would he just fade away? Would anyone care?

He couldn't believe that this was his life right now. Before the capture, he had dedicated himself to undercover work, to becoming someone else in order to help others, but at the same time still knowing exactly who he was. Now, he was pretending to be himself to the only person who truly knew him. Kensi.

He hated what was happening to them. Before he was captured, he was ready to take a leap of faith. He was ready to lay it all out there and really start communicating with her. He was tired of their routine of dancing around each other and never saying what they meant. They would say that they were fine and good, but neither of them really believed that. Then there was the capture and the torture and the rescue and back to the mission at hand. There was no time to stop and process what happened to him, because there was a job to do. Now, he didn't know what to do at all. He wasn't sure of anything anymore, especially when it came to Kensi.

So he did the only thing he could think to do: he forced himself to not think about their kiss. It was too much for him to process that right now. How does he reconcile the Marty Deeks who has undeniable, deep feelings for his partner with the Marty Deeks who was almost damaged beyond recognition? How can this Marty Deeks, the one who can't escape the panic and the fear, ever hope to share his life with her? In his mind, he tried to go back to the place he once was, before the capture, before the kiss, and then act like none of if happened. Then maybe, things would progress as they should have, as if he was still the man he once was.

But it wasn't working. Nothing was working. He tried cutting himself off from everything and everyone. He tried taking things one day at a time. He tried something new and adventurous. He tried being cautious and careful.

The worst part of all of this was that Kensi seemed to be fine and it seemed like she forgot about everything. She was back to mocking him and teasing him and flirting with him without it actually going anywhere. She had gone back in time as well. The only difference was that she seemed content there.

The sound of footsteps brought him out of his trance. He opened his eyes and saw Kensi right in front of him. He stood up from his chair.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey. What are you doing here? I thought everyone went home."

"Um... I was actually looking for you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah... " She rocked back on her heels, nervously. She played with the band of her watch and avoided eye contact with him. "How... how are you doing?"

"I'm good."

"Good, huh?"

"Yes. Why do you ask? We've had this talk before. In fact, I've had this talk with everyone."

"Yes, and you always give the same answer. You're good."

"I don't see a problem with that."

She took a deep breath. "You don't have to keep pretending like nothing is wrong."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Kens."

"I think you do. Deeks, I know you. You're acting like you're fine, but you're not fine. The motorcycle, the walking work station... what were those all about? What are you trying to figure out?"

"So, I'm the one who's pretending? I'm the one who's acting like everything is fine? What about you? You've seemed to have no problem treating me like nothing is wrong. Like nothing is different."

"I didn't want to do this in front of everyone. I was trying to give you some space. I was trying to treat you the way I thought you wanted to be treated."

"Well, you don't have to worry about me. I'm managing this on my own."

"Deeks, I don't believe that for a second. If there is something wrong with you, then you can't fix it on your own. If you have PTSD..."

"You know, just because you knew one person with PTSD doesn't make you an expert." As soon as he said this, he regretted it. He couldn't look at the wounded expression on her face.

"Deeks, I came here to tell you something. I've been given a new assignment. I'm leaving with Granger in the morning."

"What?! Where? For how long?"

"Granger just told me. We're leaving for Afghanistan... and I have no idea how long we'll be gone."

He was speechless. The storm inside his mind was getting worse. Despite the confusion he felt regarding her, he knew that simply being around her helped him. Her presence grounded him in reality... and now she was leaving.

"Deeks?"

His voice still escaped him.

"Deeks... is there... anything you want to talk about... anything you want to say before I leave?"

His heart was racing. His mind was spinning. He was fighting a battle and was so close to losing. He couldn't breakdown in front of her. What if he lost control... and then never got it back?

He cleared his throat, trying to compose himself. "I... I don't know what to say."

He swore he saw a faint glisten of tears in her eyes. And then as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. "Well, then I don't know either."

The silence was overwhelming. Every impulse was screaming at him to run away from this, but he was unable to move. Then her face changed from hurt to anger.

"Is this how it's going to be? Refusing to communicate, getting no where. Deeks, I'm  _leaving_. I don't know when I'll be back. I don't know  _if_ I'll be back and you're just going to stand there, saying nothing?!"

"You're not saying anything either."

She took a deep breath and it seemed like a switch was flipped inside of her. There was not even a hint of emotion in her face anymore.

"Well, then, I think I'm done here. Take care of yourself, Deeks. I hope I'll be back... eventually."

She didn't wait for him to answer. She turned around and walked away.

This was all too much for him. She was so right and so wrong at the same time. She was right that he was still struggling, that he was trying too hard to pretend that everything was fine. But she was so wrong in not saying what she really means either. She was leaving, for who knows how long... and who knows if she will make it back alive. This could be the last time they got to see each other. And they both blew it.

Deeks sunk into his chair, praying that he didn't just make the biggest mistake of his life.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Kensi had been gone for almost three weeks, and Deeks had never been more miserable. In a way, being without her was more difficult than recovering from the torture at the hands of Sidorov. That was physical pain. That was something he could understand and wrap his mind around. He had endured physical pain before from other criminals and even from his own father. He was not a stranger to this kind of suffering. But this... he was so confused and tormented by his feelings for Kensi and her being gone only added to his misery. At first, he thought being away from her would help him, that it would give him a chance to clear his head. He could not have been more wrong. It made the storm in his mind even worse and he was losing what little control he thought he had left.

He was consumed with worry for her safety. He knew nothing of the details of her mission or what kind of danger she could be in. All he knew was that she had said she didn't know if she was coming back. Those words had not stopped haunting him since she spoke them. When he thought about this possibly, he would suddenly feel like all the air had left the room.

He regretted everything about their last conversation. He was angry for the way she stormed out on him. What she was asking him to do, to open up to her, was more than he was capable of doing at the time. He was being completely honest with her when he said he didn't know what to say. And now, weeks later, he's still not sure. He was furious at her for not trying to understand the chaos in his mind. She gave him her demands and when he couldn't comply... she just walked away.

And he also felt guilty. What if that was the last time they got to see each other? What if those words were the last he got to say? Could he have tried harder to understand and then express his thoughts and feelings? Those feelings that he was so certain of when he kissed her, they were now just beyond his reach, beyond his comprehension. Why couldn't he have tried harder, for her? Maybe if he had, she would still be here and at least something in his life would make sense.

Finally, he had enough and he knew what he had to do. He had to find a way to talk to her. He didn't know how and he still didn't know what he would say. All he knew was that he had to try. There was only one person who could possibly help him with this. He prayed that Hetty would understand.

* * *

 

"What can I do for you, Mr. Deeks?"

He was lingering outside Hetty's office, trying to think of the right words to say, the right way to ask. He thought he had kept his distance from her as he wrestled with this, but he should have known better. Hetty seemed to have eyes and ears everywhere and she was definitely aware of the troubled detective. Deeks sighed, knowing that he couldn't put this off any longer. He walked into her office and sat down. She glanced up from her book and waited. There was a long moment of silence. Hetty looked knowingly at Deeks, waiting for him to speak.

He was finally able to find his voice. "Um... I need to ask a favor of you."

"Alright, I'm listening."

"I don't even know if this is possible, but I figured if anyone could do this, it's you. I need to talk to Kensi."

Hetty arched her eyebrows. "Mr. Deeks, you know that Miss Blye is on a classified mission. Very few people know where she is. Even fewer know how to contact her. Furthermore, any contact with her could jeopardize that mission and her safety."

Deeks nervously ran his hand over his beard and took a deep breath. "If there is any way, any way at all, that I can talk to her... I need to."

Hetty narrowed her eyes, making Deeks feel even more nervous. He was convinced when she looked at him like that, she was able to read his thoughts.

"Mr. Deeks, may I ask why this is so important to you?"

"The last time I saw her... it was not a pleasant experience. There were things I said that I regret and most of all there were things I didn't say that I regret. I just... couldn't live with myself if... those were the last words we ever said to each other."

"I have noticed you have seemed even more distracted since she left."

"Even more? What do you mean by that?"

"Mr. Deeks, you have to know that you have not been the same since your ordeal. You also have to know that everyone is worried about you. Especially Miss Blye."

"If she's so worried then why did she leave?"

Hetty sighed. "I don't agree with all the ways that she has handled this situation, but I know without a doubt that she cares for you and she is worried about your well-being. And the same goes for all of us here. We have tried to give you your space. We have tried bringing the matter up to you gently. But it seems that your heart, your emotional center has not really improved. And since Miss Blye has been gone, you have seemed worse."

Deeks couldn't look her in the eye. He looked down and spoke softly. "I've been doing the best I can."

"I know you have, but sometimes our best isn't good enough. Sometimes we need others to help us."

"I don't know, Hetty. Every time I think about it... about what happened... I don't know. I just, don't know if I can talk about it. I'm afraid it would be like reliving it again."

"Could it be any worse that what you are enduring right now?"

Deeks didn't answer her.

"Okay, Mr. Deeks. You are asking this of me and calling it a favor. Well, if I am able to arrange this for you, then you will owe me a favor in return."

Deeks thought for a little while. He would owe Henrietta Lange a favor. That could be terrifying... but not compared to the alternative. He had to do what she asked... no matter what. "Ok... Fine. I'll do whatever it takes. Just let me know when you want to cash that in. Although I'm not sure what I could do for you that you couldn't just do yourself..."

"I already have in mind what I want."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. If I can arrange a conversation between you and Miss Blye, then I want you to talk to a doctor about your... recent struggles."

"Hetty, I already told you... I don't know if I can do that..."

"Mr. Deeks, this is not negotiable. That is my condition and I will not back down. I must say that you are not the only one who is concerned about someone they care about. I have seen this happen to others before you... and everyone who was determined to fight it on their own... they have all failed. Thankfully, some were able to get the help they needed in time. Some were not. Mr. Deeks, I cannot allow you to keep going down the path you are on. If you want me to do this for you, then you must do this for me."

She had him right where she wanted him. This was not at all how Deeks imagined this would go. He was prepared to debate and argue and beg if necessary. He never would have predicted that this would have been Hetty's requirement. Even though the thought of talking to a doctor about his experience scared him, the thought of possibly never talking to Kensi again would be unbearable. He knew that he would have agreed to anything, if it would gain him another chance to make things right. He had no choice.

"Ok. I'll do it. I'll do what you want. I just need to talk to her before it's too late."

"I will let you know as soon as possible if it can be arranged."

"Thank you, Hetty."

"You're welcome. I'm hoping that a little more sunshine and gunpowder in your life will help."

Deeks smiled at her, knowing exactly what she meant. "I hope so, too."

 


	3. Chapter 3

Ops center was quiet. It was late and almost everyone had gone home, everyone except Deeks. Hetty had finally arranged for a phone call between him and Kensi. He had no idea what strings she had to pull or what favors she had to cash in or who she had to blackmail, but she miraculously made it happen. It was early in the morning in Afghanistan and Kensi would call at the appointed time. Eric tried explaining to Deeks the technical details, the measures and steps that were being taken to make sure this conversation was secure and that Kensi's whereabouts would not be discovered. But Deeks had not listened at all. All he cared about was that in a little while, he would be hearing Kensi's voice.

In case someone was listening who shouldn't be, Hetty told him not to use his name or her name and not to say any details about who they were and what they were doing. Kensi had been instructed to do the same. She threatened to come after him with more than just her letter opener if he slipped up.

Time was crawling by. He kept looking at his watch, wondering why it didn't seem to be moving at the correct speed. Then he wondered what he would say to her when she did call. He still had no idea. He prayed that the right words would come to him. There was no room to fumble with his words. He was warned that this conversation could not last very long.

Even though he was expecting it, he still jumped when the phone rang. He took a couple deep breaths, thought  _Here goes nothing_ , and then picked it up. _  
_

"Hello?"

"Hi."

One word. All she said was one word and the weight of his tormented world suddenly didn't seem so heavy. He had no clue how much he needed to hear her voice until now.

"Um, so... how are you?" At first he kicked himself for saying this, but it seemed as good a place as any to start.

"I'm hanging in there. You?"

"Yeah, about the same."

There were a few seconds of silence and Deeks started to panic. He couldn't afford to freeze up now. This was not the time or the place for poor communication skills. Thankfully, she spoke up next.

"I've missed you."

He chuckled. "You miss having someone to pick on?"

"No... just you. I just miss you." There was no hint of awkwardness, no apprehension, no humor in these words. She was serious and she was not trying to explain it away.

"You have no idea how much it means to hear you say that. I miss you, too."

"I've been worried about you."

He couldn't help but laugh. "You? Worried about me? Don't you think it should be the other way around? Me worried about you?"

"I worry about... how you're coping... with things. I have been for awhile and being here hasn't helped at all. In fact, it's made it worse."

She missed him and she was miserable. The concern he had felt over how this conversation would go was disappearing.

"I'm actually doing a little better. Um... I've been talking to a doctor."

"Really?"

"Yes, mainly because the boss here strong-armed me into going, but I'm glad I did. I've seen him a couple of times and it's not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. It's definitely still terrifying, but... I think... it will be a good thing."

"I, uh, I can't believe it. This makes me really happy to hear. Like really, really happy. This is the best news I've heard in long time."

He smiled. He knew that this would please her to hear. "I'm glad. I... I see now that I was just kidding myself when I thought I could manage all this on my own."

"Well, again, I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks."

"Listen - "

"I wanted to - "

They had both started talking at the same time and then stopped. Deeks laughed nervously. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Oh, sorry, I was just... there was something I wanted to talk about with you... about the last time we were together. I wanted to say that I'm sorry for how it turned out."

"I'm sorry, too..."

"No, don't be..."

"Please," he interrupted her. "I have to say this. I was a mess the last time we saw each other. I was barely holding on and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of hiding it, but I was definitely wrong. Everyone was worried about me and I just kept brushing them off. I feel bad about that... especially for doing it to you right before you left."

"I feel like it was all my fault. I knew something was wrong with you and I still pushed you to be the one to open up."

"I don't know... maybe I should have tried harder to make sense of everything that had happened and everything I feel for you... At least then it wouldn't have been so unpleasant saying good bye."

"Dee-" She almost said his name, but stopped herself just in time. "Listen, I did an awful thing to you. I just walked out on you... I've been walked out on before and I know how much that hurts. And I hate myself for doing it to you." Her voice was cracking and he knew she was about to cry. Even though he couldn't see her, he could perfectly picture the look that was probably on her face right now. Kensi Blye did not like showing her emotions and she was excellent at hiding them. But she was not a robot. There were times when she just couldn't hold it in and this was one of those times. "I am so, so sorry."

"It's okay. What we're doing right now... talking about it... this is making it okay."

"Thank you. You know, I couldn't let another day go by without talking to you about this. I'm so glad the boss here made this happen."

"The boss there? What do you mean?"

"I, uh, I immediately regretted the way I left things with you. I've been asking since pretty much day one if there was a way I could talk to you. He finally gave in. I think he was worried that I was too distracted to do my job."

Deeks chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing... I just think I've been played by my boss and your boss."

"Oh?"

"Yeah... it's funny... because I did the same thing here. I needed to talk to you, too. I practically got on my knees and begged for this to happen."

She laughed softly. "Really?"

"Yeah, but she tricked me into owing her a favor and from what you've said, this probably would have happened anyway... even if I hadn't agreed to her demands."

"Uh oh, owing her a favor... that could be scary."

"It's not so bad. She goes easy on me because I'm her favorite. Besides... anything would have been worth it... I would have agreed to anything... as long as I got to hear your voice again. That's all that matters."

"Thanks." Her voice cracked again, but this time was different. This time it wasn't out of remorse or guilt. "Was that what you meant by strong-arming you into seeing a doctor?"

"Yes, but again, it's worth it."

Deeks could hear an voice in the background and then Kensi sighed.

"I've just been told that I have to wrap this up. There's still so much I want to say to you."

"Well, we'll just have to continue this later."

"I don't think they'll let us talk like this again."

"Then it will have to be when you get back. We'll have all the time in the world to talk then."

"Ok. It's a date."

"Um... do you remember that thing you made me promise a while back?"

"Yes, of course."

"Promise me... promise me you won't do that either."

"Okay. I promise. I will do everything in my power to come home to you so that we can finish this."

"Well, that's actually pretty reassuring because I know how stubborn you can be when you put your mind to something."

She laughed and he swore to himself that it's the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

"Well, good bye. Until next time."

"Good bye. Be safe."

* * *

 

The next day, Deeks approached Hetty at her desk.

"Mr. Deeks, how did it go last night?"

"It was... it was just what I needed. Thank you. We couldn't talk very long, but... at least it's a start."

"Well, I'm glad that it worked out for you."

"You know, she told me something that I found pretty interesting."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. She told me that she had been asking Granger for a chance to talk to me. She made it sound like our conversation would have taken place even if you and I hadn't made our own bargain."

Hetty smiled and shook her head. "Well, the cat's out of the bag. Yes, Owen and I did go back and forth about the possibility of you two speaking to each other before you approached me. You see, he had been concerned that Miss Blye was not giving the mission at hand one hundred percent of her attention. We discussed the possibility that talking to you would help her to focus. It would be like giving her something to fight for."

"So... the whole thing about making me see a doctor..."

"That was a sneaky maneuver on my part. However, I must be honest with you. I am not sorry that I did it and would do it again given the chance. I want you to get better, Mr. Deeks, and I was willing to do anything to make sure that happened. Even if I had to be less than honest in the process."

Deeks sighed, feeling like he should be mad at her for deceiving him, but finding he just couldn't.

"I must say that I would certainly understand if you decided that you no longer wished to continue your treatment. I wouldn't like it and most likely I would find another way to force you to go, but I would understand."

Deeks chuckled. "No, that's okay. I'll keep going. Kensi's not the only one who has something to fight for."

 


	4. Chapter 4

Much like the night weeks before when Kensi told him she was leaving, Deeks found himself at OSP again, alone in the bullpen, sitting at his desk. Everyone else had gone home, but he was there, waiting. He attempted to calm his restless mind. He was nervous and anxious and excited and scared all at the same time. Only one person could have this effect on him.

Kensi. She was coming home. Hetty told him that morning that her flight was arriving today. She and Granger were to be debriefed immediately and then she would head to OSP to give their reports to Hetty. Normally, at this hour, Deeks would be home, but under the circumstances, Hetty thought he would want nothing more than to be here.

So, Deeks was waiting to see his partner, who had been absent from his life for weeks. He wasn't exactly sure where they stood and that made him nervous. There was still so much left unsaid and that made him anxious. But after their last conversation, he was excited to see where they were headed together. He was also scared. Even though he was getting better, he was still not completely himself. He still had a ways to go. And this thing with Kensi... their thing... he could not afford to screw it up, no matter what. He was not going to let any past relationships or past trauma or past miscommunications get in their way.

He was able to calm himself by remembering the last time they spoke. She missed him, she was sorry for how she treated him, and she had promised to come home to him. How he managed this long without her was beyond him. And now that her return was minutes away, each second crawled by at a cruel pace. He placed his elbow on the armrest of his chair, resting his head on his hand. He closed his eyes and waited.

He heard voices and footsteps approaching. He opened his eyes and saw her. Kensi was heading toward the bullpen with Hetty. He stood up so fast that he almost knocked his chair over. He caught it awkwardly and then walked up to the two women.

"Mr. Deeks, would you be so kind as to bring Miss Blye home? Her duties for this mission are complete and she looks very tired."

"Sure, no problem. I'd be happy to." He reached over and gently lifted her bag off of her shoulder. As his fingers brushed against her, she turned and her eyes met his. For a moment, he swore he forgot how to breathe. Her hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail. She had dark circles under her eyes. The corners of her mouth were slightly turned up, as if that was all she had the energy for. She was struggling to keep her eyes open, although they had lost none of the warmth and life that he remembered. She did look very tired, but she also never looked more beautiful. He smiled back at her while lifting her bag onto his shoulder.

"Well, good night, you two. And Miss Blye, again, job well done."

"Thank you, Hetty."

They walked out to his car in silence. He opened the passenger side door for her and then put her bag in the back seat. He walked around the car and took a deep breath before climbing in.

He was nervous, very nervous. He was excited beyond belief that she was here, in his car, with him... but she had been gone a long time... and so much between them was different... and so much was still unsaid. So he did the only think he knew how to do when he was nervous. He babbled.

"So, uh, Hetty's right. You look really tired... not that you don't look good... I mean well. You look well. Anyway, I should probably take you home right away. Was there anything you needed or anywhere you wanted to stop first? Sorry, what am I saying? You probably just want to sleep and I'm asking you if you want to go somewhere and the more I'm talking the longer this is taking. Sorry, again. I'll shut up and take you home before you pass out right here in my..."

Suddenly, he stopped talking because his mouth had become preoccupied. She had reached over, grabbed his face and placed her lips right on his. It took a few seconds for his brain to catch up with what was happening. When it finally sank in that he was being kissed by Kensi Blye, he lifted one hand and gently held her face as he wrapped his other arm around her. He returned her kisses, pulling her as close as the center consule would allow. Everything about this moment with her was perfect. Her scent, her taste, the way she felt, the soft sighing noises she was making. The full impact of how much he missed her and how much he needed her in his life had finally hit him. And now, he was determined to never let her go again.

He managed to pull away, but kept his face close to hers. A brief moment of uncertainty faded away when she flashed her gorgeous smile at him.

"Um, so..." He fumbled with his words. "Has this become our thing now? We only kiss each other when we want the other one to shut up? Because, if that's the case, then I will never stop talking."

"Never stop talking, huh? And how will that be different than the way things were before?"

"Oh, touché. I've missed your verbal abuse. I'm so glad you're back, because I didn't suffer enough while you were gone."

She laughed and kissed him again. This one was soft and tender, but still made his heart race. After all that they had been through together and apart, the feeling of her hands on his face and her lips against his was like something out of a dream.

She was the one to pull away this time. "Deeks, I don't want you to take me home."

"Kensi, you're exhausted..."

"I know, but we need to finish our conversation. We have a lot to talk about and sort out and we've already waited too long to do this."

"Kens..."

"Deeks, I want to go home with you. We've put this off too long and... I don't want to be away from you right now. I can't be away from you."

He smiled and stroked her cheek with his thumb. He knew she needed rest, but who was he to argue with a stubborn Kensi Blye? "Okay."

* * *

 

When they got to his apartment, she greeted Monty, who was very excited to see her. She ate a bowl of cereal and went to take a shower. He waited for her as he stared out his living room window. Having her here was such a relief after weeks and weeks of being apart. The right thing would have been to take her home and let her sleep, but he's glad she insisted on being here.

He heard the bathroom door open and he turned towards her. She looked refreshed. Her hair was still damp and pulled up. She was wearing a loose t-shirt and yoga pants. She took his breath away. She was stunning.

He walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. She slipped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his neck. He leaned down and rested his face against her head, savoring everything about this moment. He couldn't help but smile and chuckle softly.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"Nothing... It's just... You used my shampoo. I can smell it in your hair."

"You're smelling my hair? Isn't that kind of creepy?"

He laughed. "I think we're way past that in this relationship."

"You said relationship."

"Yeah, I did."

"So... do I owe you for the shampoo? I know how you are about your hair."

He laughed again. "No, I like it... it makes it feel more like... you know, like you belong here."

He could feel her smiling against his skin. Her arms tightened around him, trying to hold him even closer.

"Um... could we lie down for a couple minutes?"

"Kens, if you want to rest, we can do this another time."

"No, I want to talk tonight," she yawned. "I just want to close my eyes for a couple minutes. That's all."

"Okay, whatever you want."

They walked over to the couch and settled down together. He reclined onto his back and she settled on top of him. He wrapped his arms around her and began rubbing her back. Not even a full minute went by before her breathing changed and he knew she was sound asleep. He chuckled to himself. As stubborn as she was, she couldn't fight her exhaustion anymore. He knew they had a lot to talk about and a lot of stuff to figure out, but he did not mind waiting a little while longer. There was time another day. He was content knowing that she's right where she belonged. For the first time, he was confident when it came to his future with her. He placed a lingering kiss on the top of her head. As his face was close to her, he smiled as he smelled his shampoo again.

"Welcome home, Kensi," he whispered. Then he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

**~The End~**


End file.
